just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
