I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish you could order shots online.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
so much tequila, so little girl.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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