He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
