No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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