my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just cropdusted the office
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
