why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
