Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
