Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
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