It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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