We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
