My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
