She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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