Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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