kristin has been a bad kristin
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
