I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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