That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
When are your genitals available?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
