you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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