You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
