If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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