Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
This girl is more easily done than said...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
