dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
