ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So many bounce houses so little time
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
