Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
