Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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