I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
