i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
