I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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