Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
