my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
