Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
