yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
