he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
