What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
