Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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