omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
