Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
