He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
