I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
