she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
