lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
