Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
