Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
