I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
