Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
