Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My feet surprised me
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
