Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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