my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
