Apparently you make a good broom.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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