I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
