Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
