In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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